Christmas has past and it wasn't so terrible this year. I mean, I wasn't in much of a Christmas spirit and it didn't even feel like Christmas to me; just another day. It just means I'm getting older and beginning to realize Christmas is just not that holiday like it was when we were kids anymore. I don't care about presents anymore or about money or really about receiving anything. I realize our financial position more and more, I realize how expensive college really is, and I see the burden it puts on my parents. So in reality... Christmas just got me upset when my parents gave me more money than I needed. It wasn't necessary and it should have went towards paying my tuition or rent. But I've been yelled at plenty of times from my family when I try to explain my point of view, receiving the same statement "If someone gives you money don't complain and just say thank you". There's nothing wrong with that theory, but when you clearly know you don't deserve it and the people giving you it can use it more than yourself then I think I have a right to complain. Because it doesn't belong to me.
As for my break, it still has been pretty dull. I'm trying to come up with a good story though. I've been reading fan-fictions on a variety of shows/games of pairings lately and it makes me feel like I failed. Middle school I wrote sooo much. I had a Quizilla account and posted stories like crazy. My account still exists but I'm too embarrassed to post my information here haha. I don't need anyone reading them. I thought I was a good writer when I was doing it but now that I look back on them I feel like an idiot haha. It's just so embarrassing! It's not all terrible, it's enjoyable to read some of it but still haha... I don't think I'm willing to share :)
But fan-fiction has gotten into me again and I really want to write a better love story that doesn't involve vampires like my other ones. I was that vampire story writer as a teen, I thought vampires made everything so much more... sensual. lol If you understand me. But now with this vampire faze going through America right now it disgusts me and I don't want to fall in play with them again. I need something at least a little more realistic now.
And here comes the new year.
I have resolutions,
+Not going to fail this year, I'm going to write a story
+I'm going to lose weight
+I'm going to be a happier person
+Try to keep going strong
+Study harder and get good grades
+Try to focus more on myself
I have wishes,
+
+
+
I'm sure you can guess what they are without me typing them considering what my blogs are usually about...
I thought about it a lot. And I know once it becomes 2011... it becomes eight months... and eight months is a little long... too long actually. But, I can't find a good reason to give up yet. I mean, why give up on something good? It's going to be another stressful year. Maybe 2010 and 2011 will be my worst years in the end. But... it's at least worth a try, worth a wish, worth holding on to even if it's the smallest glint of hope. 2011 I'm going to turn 20. At that age, I feel like this year needs to be more serious, more responsible on my part. I can't give up until I'm certain it's a hopeless cause.
2011, I want this to be a year of improvement, a year of growing, a year of accomplishment, a year of something magical. lol
Happy New Year, everyone :) Let's all wish for the best
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