I was finally able to finish 下一站，幸福 yesterday. The ending wasn't disappointing but I kinda expected something a little more. Confessing and being able to fix everything just like that. Not to mention it was only 30mins long, like wtf. I feel like there should have been more of an arguement in it. Not so.. accepting. Then again dramas aren't usually like real life, however it is valuable on how you should try to make life be smoother and happier. I learned a lot from this drama, especially near the end. Only time could tell though if I actually fall through.
People are changing. I've noticed it around me. Well, at least recently. My mom came to visit me along with my sister and dad. And, she learned to cool her temper. I was very surprised. I was able to tell when she was starting to get upset but she kept quiet instead of saying something that would make us all feel uncomfortable to be around her and sad/mad. Then she cheered up later on. Maybe one day isn't enough to tell if there really is a change but, I think I've lost enough confidence in her already that it's about time I decided to look ahead again and recognize her attempts now. I know she's really trying now, and the fact that she's bee losing weight could be helping her too. She'll have more confidence in herself that way too and I think I need to start paying attention to her more again. I can't let her efforts go unnoticed.
But it's all to do with trying. I think I learned a life lesson from her and a love lesson from the drama. You have to try and not give up on yourself or others. It's not okay to just drop a thought, an ambition, a dream, a hope, if it's for the good that is.
I may be stupid, but I have determination and persistence in the things I care about. If I didn't have other classes to worry about I'd be dedicated to my language studies. I would know better Korean than what I do now. And I'd be mastering in Japanese (lol exaggeration but). And even my side languages, I'd be able to focus more time for them too. I can give up easily, but it depends on what it is I'm giving up on. If it has significant value to me, I won't let it go. At least until I know I've tried all I could.
Those days when it seems pointless and that all your efforts aren't having an effect, it just takes time. I've waited about 6 months on vitamin A and I'm finally getting an effect. I've waited years for my mom to change and I'm seeing an change, I've waited three years in elementary to be accepted by others, I've been waiting five years to finally feel something real, the past only relying on fantasy and fiction I've written on paper to keep me in peace. I've waited eight years to finally understand this life. Maybe, I can wait a little longer for some new change. Maybe if I give myself time, if you're willing to wait, I have confidence, I can change.
This is for,the new emotions, the new determination, the reasons that keep us going.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Colored pencils and a whole lot of thought
Preoccupied?
Yeah, maybe just a little.
I kinda want a flower.
A friend I know gave his girlfriend flowers to make up for a fight they had. Actually, he went out of his way to do so much more and I was like, "huh... That's really nice... I kinda wish someone would do that for me." He was going to get her chocolate and then order her Japanese food (from my work woo! lol) that night too. I never really thought much about it until then how much girls really like flowers. I mean, even if they don't seem like that type of person, flowers mean so much to them. It shows them how special they are to the one who gave it. A female stereotype?
In any case, I'd like to receive a single flower. It doesn't even have to be a pretty one, just to carry around with me on campus and put it in a vase when I get home lol. If anyone on campus is reading this, I'd really appreciate it lol ;)
I've had my amusement for the week. An eventful webcam chat Saturday afternoon with someone across the Pacific. I honestly couldn't have been much happier. And then it all came down to tests and a Korean skit. It was fun getting together with everyone to rehearse. I always get really weird around people, well usually I do. I don't know why but it happens and then it just becomes hilarious. Laughing so much, it was great. But somehow looked forward to today. Sure, it meant Thanksgiving vacation. But Wednesday.. a little more special? At least to me :) But instead I'm going to have to go to the mall and buy a new phone. My phone won't charge anymore so I'm hoping I can find a cheap one at the Verizon store. I don't have time to wait to find one on Ebay or something and get it shipped. Goodbye well earned working money :(
I don't think I can get fired at Sushi Tei anymore. All the customers seem to like me and my manager metioned to me that if I try really hard this week I'm looking at a raise. Which is really niceeee :D I already make $8 an hr. plus tips. It's not very bad working there at all. I'm kinda glad actually, sometimes lol. Tobe honest, I make around $200-$300 every two weeks. 16 hours from work study gives me $116 and then from Sushi Tei I make around $200, depending on how the tips are I get more. But that was when I worked 4 days a week. Now that it's only 3 days, well.. I'll make lets say probably $150-$250 every two weeks. I'm really lucky when it's busy for tips. And yesterday was pretty busy and I didn't make one mistake! So, I think I'm finally starting to get this waitress-ing thing down. It's nice to have money though. I do want a whole new wardrobe and buy a lot of language books at Boarders :D
It's kinda hard to think about anything else anymore. I mean, here I am trying to worry about school and work, making money while getting the good grades. But it's all just jumbled up and I just want to lay in my bed and not have to worry about a thing. Stress? Maybe. I should have added that to my opinion paper for Mano-sensei. I'm trying to focus on a little to much that I can't handle. It's my own fault but I just don't know how to stop myself. I want money, I want to see people, I want the good grades, I want to change. I just don't feel normal anymore. It's weird..
Preoccupied.
Thoughts moving around.
I've been in the process of making a picture, and.. I just hope I don't regret it. I feel like everything should be fine. But I can't always guess that. I've never been very good at coloring but it looks really good so far.
I think, when I'm done at the post office and mall today I'm just going to lay in bed. Just lay there.
No, I'll probably fall asleep lol
Yeah, maybe just a little.
I kinda want a flower.
A friend I know gave his girlfriend flowers to make up for a fight they had. Actually, he went out of his way to do so much more and I was like, "huh... That's really nice... I kinda wish someone would do that for me." He was going to get her chocolate and then order her Japanese food (from my work woo! lol) that night too. I never really thought much about it until then how much girls really like flowers. I mean, even if they don't seem like that type of person, flowers mean so much to them. It shows them how special they are to the one who gave it. A female stereotype?
In any case, I'd like to receive a single flower. It doesn't even have to be a pretty one, just to carry around with me on campus and put it in a vase when I get home lol. If anyone on campus is reading this, I'd really appreciate it lol ;)
I've had my amusement for the week. An eventful webcam chat Saturday afternoon with someone across the Pacific. I honestly couldn't have been much happier. And then it all came down to tests and a Korean skit. It was fun getting together with everyone to rehearse. I always get really weird around people, well usually I do. I don't know why but it happens and then it just becomes hilarious. Laughing so much, it was great. But somehow looked forward to today. Sure, it meant Thanksgiving vacation. But Wednesday.. a little more special? At least to me :) But instead I'm going to have to go to the mall and buy a new phone. My phone won't charge anymore so I'm hoping I can find a cheap one at the Verizon store. I don't have time to wait to find one on Ebay or something and get it shipped. Goodbye well earned working money :(
I don't think I can get fired at Sushi Tei anymore. All the customers seem to like me and my manager metioned to me that if I try really hard this week I'm looking at a raise. Which is really niceeee :D I already make $8 an hr. plus tips. It's not very bad working there at all. I'm kinda glad actually, sometimes lol. Tobe honest, I make around $200-$300 every two weeks. 16 hours from work study gives me $116 and then from Sushi Tei I make around $200, depending on how the tips are I get more. But that was when I worked 4 days a week. Now that it's only 3 days, well.. I'll make lets say probably $150-$250 every two weeks. I'm really lucky when it's busy for tips. And yesterday was pretty busy and I didn't make one mistake! So, I think I'm finally starting to get this waitress-ing thing down. It's nice to have money though. I do want a whole new wardrobe and buy a lot of language books at Boarders :D
It's kinda hard to think about anything else anymore. I mean, here I am trying to worry about school and work, making money while getting the good grades. But it's all just jumbled up and I just want to lay in my bed and not have to worry about a thing. Stress? Maybe. I should have added that to my opinion paper for Mano-sensei. I'm trying to focus on a little to much that I can't handle. It's my own fault but I just don't know how to stop myself. I want money, I want to see people, I want the good grades, I want to change. I just don't feel normal anymore. It's weird..
Preoccupied.
Thoughts moving around.
I've been in the process of making a picture, and.. I just hope I don't regret it. I feel like everything should be fine. But I can't always guess that. I've never been very good at coloring but it looks really good so far.
I think, when I'm done at the post office and mall today I'm just going to lay in bed. Just lay there.
No, I'll probably fall asleep lol
Thursday, November 18, 2010
恋してるなんて言えない~koishiteru nante ienai~
Today was my first Thursday off from work due to my manager deciding to cut my hours because I move too slow on busy days. To be honest, I'm glad she did. I felt more productive than I have all semester. I was originally planning to sleep a lot, considering I DO need it, but I just have so much work to do. 13 lines of a Korean skit I need memorized by Tuesday, a 7page paper due on the 9th of December, a Natural Disasters exam on Wednesday, and rewriting 2 Japanese essays for Monday. Okay, all I did today was memorize 2 lines, go to the library in search of books for the paper, and study Accounting for a time. Due to a certain Asian, I realized that I need to try harder too. I'm reading the chapters all over hoping I can get lucky on the final. I know I'm not going to fail the class no matter what but, I don't want my GPA to drop too much. I like my 3.2 :)
Speaking of searching for books in the library, I came across this old, falling apart book on the shelf. I had it's own special box to put it in, that's how much in bad condition it's in. The book is called, "Korea's Fight For Freedom" published in 1920. I was skimming though the first few pages and it got me very interested in it. It's about all the bad things the Japanese did on Korea during ~1886-1919, something like that. But what threw me away is that this book was written while these things were still occurring in Korea. For some reason it just blew me away. I felt like I was reading something and like stepped back in time or something and I felt really bad for Korea. It's hard to explain. But if it wasn't for this paper and having to go through more books I would take the time to read this entire thing. It's amazing. I saw some other very interesting books as well, just on Japan or China-Japan relations. So many were there... I think next semester I just might read something for the hell of it.
I think I've gained an addiction.
Hercules.
I know, I haven't watched it recently but if I sat down and put it on I'd go crazy. I need to buy this movie and I reallyyyy want the Japanese version too!♥ I have an urge to go watch it now..
There was a crazy stain on my blanket. Crazy. It looks like someone left a piss streak right in the middle of it. However I smelled it and it doesn't smell like anything, and it wasn't damp. I showed it to Chen and he says it's cum. No. It was wide and like clearly looked like a fat paintbrush could have done it, it was literally a PERFECT streak. I washed it today though so I'm hoping it's not there anymore. If it is, well then I know it's a stain, and that my blanket is clean. Heaviest load of laundry I've ever carried to and from Alumni quad. Tired. But...
Hercules is calling my name.
It's one of those cute Disney love films you need to watch with a guy. I have two people in mind. Neither will be able to do so with me unfortunately. :)
Speaking of searching for books in the library, I came across this old, falling apart book on the shelf. I had it's own special box to put it in, that's how much in bad condition it's in. The book is called, "Korea's Fight For Freedom" published in 1920. I was skimming though the first few pages and it got me very interested in it. It's about all the bad things the Japanese did on Korea during ~1886-1919, something like that. But what threw me away is that this book was written while these things were still occurring in Korea. For some reason it just blew me away. I felt like I was reading something and like stepped back in time or something and I felt really bad for Korea. It's hard to explain. But if it wasn't for this paper and having to go through more books I would take the time to read this entire thing. It's amazing. I saw some other very interesting books as well, just on Japan or China-Japan relations. So many were there... I think next semester I just might read something for the hell of it.
I think I've gained an addiction.
Hercules.
I know, I haven't watched it recently but if I sat down and put it on I'd go crazy. I need to buy this movie and I reallyyyy want the Japanese version too!♥ I have an urge to go watch it now..
There was a crazy stain on my blanket. Crazy. It looks like someone left a piss streak right in the middle of it. However I smelled it and it doesn't smell like anything, and it wasn't damp. I showed it to Chen and he says it's cum. No. It was wide and like clearly looked like a fat paintbrush could have done it, it was literally a PERFECT streak. I washed it today though so I'm hoping it's not there anymore. If it is, well then I know it's a stain, and that my blanket is clean. Heaviest load of laundry I've ever carried to and from Alumni quad. Tired. But...
Hercules is calling my name.
It's one of those cute Disney love films you need to watch with a guy. I have two people in mind. Neither will be able to do so with me unfortunately. :)
Monday, November 15, 2010
As if it was snowing
Way too tired than normal. Probably due to extra vitamin A.
In need of a new phone, mine is starting to lose its charging capability.
Heat loss in the apartment. Too old this place is and we can't even plug in electric space heaters (at least more than 1) due to the fact our fuse will blow.
Gaining weight, gaining weight, gaining weight.
I started a new project and I'm so far having fun with it.
It's only been a week so who knows how well it will continue but if I have the determination I think I can continue it. I have the determination right now, hopefully I can keep that up as well.
This year, somehow, feels really empty. Unpromising. I don't know what I was entirely expecting but it's just such a disappointment. It's not my classes, really. Or how I'm not doing as good as I would like to with grades; I'm not sure how to explain it. It just feels empty. Maybe I miss living on campus and having a roommate. Nothing feels exciting here. And my life just consists of going to school, going back home, sleep, work, finding time to go grocery shopping, finding time to do laundry at the alumni dorms, etc. I don't think I've realized how lonely this lifestyle is until now.
Talk about a depressing blog.
Pluses about this lifestyle; having your own room is nice most of the days I suppose, eating whatever you want, I like taking a bus to school, being able to move around in the morning without worrying about waking anyone up, having more money for spending, being able to take more than 1 bus home from the mall without worrying about it being over crowded, being able to turn up the heat in winter, not having annoying, loud suitemates.
I suppose it's good and bad.
But if I didn't have to worry about wanting to pay less for college.. I wonder which lifestyle I would have chosen. Probably the dorm.. It's just an fulfilling life in this moment.
In need of a new phone, mine is starting to lose its charging capability.
Heat loss in the apartment. Too old this place is and we can't even plug in electric space heaters (at least more than 1) due to the fact our fuse will blow.
Gaining weight, gaining weight, gaining weight.
I started a new project and I'm so far having fun with it.
It's only been a week so who knows how well it will continue but if I have the determination I think I can continue it. I have the determination right now, hopefully I can keep that up as well.
This year, somehow, feels really empty. Unpromising. I don't know what I was entirely expecting but it's just such a disappointment. It's not my classes, really. Or how I'm not doing as good as I would like to with grades; I'm not sure how to explain it. It just feels empty. Maybe I miss living on campus and having a roommate. Nothing feels exciting here. And my life just consists of going to school, going back home, sleep, work, finding time to go grocery shopping, finding time to do laundry at the alumni dorms, etc. I don't think I've realized how lonely this lifestyle is until now.
Talk about a depressing blog.
Pluses about this lifestyle; having your own room is nice most of the days I suppose, eating whatever you want, I like taking a bus to school, being able to move around in the morning without worrying about waking anyone up, having more money for spending, being able to take more than 1 bus home from the mall without worrying about it being over crowded, being able to turn up the heat in winter, not having annoying, loud suitemates.
I suppose it's good and bad.
But if I didn't have to worry about wanting to pay less for college.. I wonder which lifestyle I would have chosen. Probably the dorm.. It's just an fulfilling life in this moment.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Breathe in, Breathe out
It's been like two months now since I've posted my last blog here... wow. What happened to my beginning determination? haha
So much has happened within those past two months too.
But what's the point in going back to them?
This entire week has been driving me crazy. Work, studies, love, I can't hardly begin to go into details. I'm becoming wayy too tired as well. I bet Eason is getting pretty upset with me falling asleep in his class haha. He's so boring. And it just has to be a 4:15 class. I want to be done with classes by then. Next semester my line up looks good though. Lets see..
Advanced Japanese II (M,W,F) 2:45-3:40
History of Japan II (M,W,F) 1:40-2:35
Intermediate Korean II (M,W) 10:25-11:35 (T,TH) 10:15-11:35
Introduction to Linguistics (T,TH) 1:15-2:35 (F) 12:35-1:30
Computer Applicants in Business (T,TH) 11:45-1:05
As you can see I'm pretty much done everyday by 4 so that's good. Only problem is, I don't know where to fit in my work-study hours. So, I think I'm going to have to do 4 hours worth on Friday considering my classes begin in the afternoon. And then I should be fine for my job at Sushi Tei, only thing is I have to leave right from school now (which suckks) but it can't be helped. I have to learn how to manage my time better too. This semester is going terrible, no joke. If it wasn't for Japanese, which is unbelievably EASY, and possibly for Korean as well, my grades would be slipping a lot. Classes are just too hard right now and I can't find the time for sleep and study. But I'm managing somehow lol.
Also, I hate accounting. If you don't need to take it for your major/minor DON'T TAKE IT. You will regret it.
Current addictions: Secondhand Serenade and 下一站，幸福.
I can't stop listening to the band. And the Chinese is a Taiwanese drama known as "Autumn's Concerto" in English. Liang Mu Cheng (Ady An) is sooo pretty, I love her hair too♥ I want it lol
But the drama is a MUST WATCH. I'm currently up to ep. 17 (out of 21) and it's a beautiful love story. The soundtrack is very nice as well, I want to download it :)
I suppose I should start doing homework now.. fml
So much has happened within those past two months too.
But what's the point in going back to them?
This entire week has been driving me crazy. Work, studies, love, I can't hardly begin to go into details. I'm becoming wayy too tired as well. I bet Eason is getting pretty upset with me falling asleep in his class haha. He's so boring. And it just has to be a 4:15 class. I want to be done with classes by then. Next semester my line up looks good though. Lets see..
Advanced Japanese II (M,W,F) 2:45-3:40
History of Japan II (M,W,F) 1:40-2:35
Intermediate Korean II (M,W) 10:25-11:35 (T,TH) 10:15-11:35
Introduction to Linguistics (T,TH) 1:15-2:35 (F) 12:35-1:30
Computer Applicants in Business (T,TH) 11:45-1:05
As you can see I'm pretty much done everyday by 4 so that's good. Only problem is, I don't know where to fit in my work-study hours. So, I think I'm going to have to do 4 hours worth on Friday considering my classes begin in the afternoon. And then I should be fine for my job at Sushi Tei, only thing is I have to leave right from school now (which suckks) but it can't be helped. I have to learn how to manage my time better too. This semester is going terrible, no joke. If it wasn't for Japanese, which is unbelievably EASY, and possibly for Korean as well, my grades would be slipping a lot. Classes are just too hard right now and I can't find the time for sleep and study. But I'm managing somehow lol.
Also, I hate accounting. If you don't need to take it for your major/minor DON'T TAKE IT. You will regret it.
Current addictions: Secondhand Serenade and 下一站，幸福.
I can't stop listening to the band. And the Chinese is a Taiwanese drama known as "Autumn's Concerto" in English. Liang Mu Cheng (Ady An) is sooo pretty, I love her hair too♥ I want it lol
But the drama is a MUST WATCH. I'm currently up to ep. 17 (out of 21) and it's a beautiful love story. The soundtrack is very nice as well, I want to download it :)
I suppose I should start doing homework now.. fml
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