Hello Valentine ♥

It's Valentine's Day today!!! (well, it was lol)

I was excited when I woke up even though I don't have a date, or a Valentine, or technically a boyfriend. Quite sad really. But nonetheless I was happy, I was excited, I was ready for this Valentine's Day! I even sold a dog today!!! If I sell another dog on Wednesday or just lots and lots of supplies I'm looking at mad commission here!!! Who wants a $500 paycheck? FUCKING YES ME!!!!!!!

I'm sooo tired but I need to post this blog because of it's significance.

I spent the night watching episode 5 of 下一站, 幸福 and enjoyed a bowl of curry, assorted chocolates bought for myself, and chocolate covered cherries I received at work from a certain Asian in my class. Food was great and now I just can't wait to lay in my bed and sleep with my teddy bears, technically I bought the yellow one for a certain Chinese boy, butttt, as you can see he's not going to receive it until he comes back. Okay, lets just say I bought myself a teddy bear. I suck. haha but hey, the top of the bear's head smells like chocolate yepyep. I had to eat curry though. Stupid boy... it reminds me of you. It reminds me of how you lured me into your apartment because you said you had curry. I was used by the mention of curry. CURRY!! That's really sad. But I love curry :'(

This Valentine's Day couldn't have topped last year's of course. Sure, I have no one to lay next to this year (-cries-) but last year was just.... a little too crazy. I think back on it and I wonder how the hell I persuaded myself to allow/suggest such a thing. Never again... lol. I honestly will not repeat anything from the past now that I've discovered that suddenly random people are reading my blogs haha.

I've been though so much shit these past few months. You'd think that I deserve a Valentine's Day worth a good man or something. But you know what, I get depressed, I get upset, I get sad, I complain, I cry, I do tons of stupid things because I feel like he's never here for me many times. But then when I try to ignore him or hate him or try to get over him, I can't. Because he is here for me, just in his very insensitive way. There's times I say he's not worth my time and then there's days like now I praise him for being everything he is. I get in my moods, but I honestly can't stay mad at him. I promised him I'd change, and I swear I'm doing it, but while I'm at a distance here it's sometimes hard to control myself. But if he was near me I'd be able to push those terrible thoughts aside.

Sure, I shouldn't be expecting him to come back to me in a few months. How could I? But I want to be here for him when he does come back. I'll hold him like I always did.

This Valentine's Day was still for him. I sent him a card and I thought about him (not that I don't everyday already but) and ate curry and going to hug the big bear he bought me last year tight in bed tonight. POINT IS, it wasn't a crappy day like I expected. And.... it made me really happy when he said he came to check up to see if I wanted him before he visited his teacher.... (which I totally was waiting for him and left a message lol)

See, don't tell me this guy isn't perfect?

If I'm wasting my time, I'm wasting my time for a good reason.

I don't care if we're "separated". I'm still drawn to you. Because you do and say all the right things.

I love you still, and you'll be my Valentine this year too, at least to myself I will believe that.

2/14/2011 ♥ You weren't  such a bad thing after all :)

"Our love is like as if we've drawn a chance card so that we can be together. It's just that we've come to draw this fate now. But the game hasn't ended yet, right? No matter what kind of fate it gives to us, as long as the game hasn't ended yet, we shouldn't give up. This way, we will have a chance at winning."