Pennsylvania.
A dreadful place.
Day 3 and I'm already ready to die. About 12 days left on the countdown. I need some encouragement here. No snow, no dog in the house, hating Hazleton once I stepped foot in it after all these months. Ugh. I don't belong here and I want to go back to Albany. It's the closest thing to home I feel, even if my room is a little too small. Well, at least I have a room there. I've been sleeping on my couches the past three nights due to 1) my bedroom is super cold and 2) I don't even have a bed because it's been moved to Albany. I can't say I've been getting good rest. My first night I felt so tight on my downstairs couch (the WARMEST place in the house) which gave me a hard time to sleep, then last night I couldn't sleep at all and I was on my upstairs couch. But there was a different reason why I couldn't sleep at all. Thinking a little too much again. A well known habit of mine.
I feel too lazy here. I planned on studying but I haven't even picked up my books. I've been waking up, watching movies, computer, filming, editing a movie, napping. My life. Oh and eating too much again. I'm not really in a bad mood, but I'm just disappointed, added to a bit of loneliness, I think you can see how my days are. When I'm in Albany I'm away from these feelings most of the time. This place... is seriously my deathbed.
I feel a lot closer to the people I know in Albany. I come here and I don't even say a word to the people I used to know. It's why I'm stuck in the house all the time. I don't know why that is. I think I'm just meant to wander. Like, I've never had a difficult time making friends in my life (excluding elementary school). I've never seen myself as someone to be a troublesome friend. But like, it's almost like I can't keep it forever. Once I move on it's like everything else gets left behind as well. It's not a very good thing at all, but somehow my personality has shaped me that way. Or maybe I'm wrong. Because I still keep in very good touch with most of my friends in Japan and it's been two years now. So maybe it's because of the idea of Pennsylvania. I think I'm just trying to escape it so much I'm trying to neglect everything associated with it. I'm not sure... it's really something to ponder about. But I feel like I don't want to forget the people in Albany... why is that?
I try to ignore it anymore.
A lot of different things have been floating in my mind. After watching two movies yesterday, Ip Man one and two, I've noticed different things about myself and others and more truth about the Chinese people. If no one has watched the movies I suggest you do, especially the first one. I don't care if you hate movies with subtitles or what, it needs to be seen. If everyone could just imagine how other people have to live, the feelings of others who are different.... honestly this topic deserves its own blog. I've felt disgusted. I suppose I'll save this for another day. But the point is... the Chinese aren't dirt. I'm not saying I believed exactly that but I did criticized them a little in my own way in the back of my mind. And it's a shame that I'm not alone.
Christmas...
I'm still going to make a wish :)
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